No More “Mr. Nice Guy”
Published February 12th, 2012 by Bob BurgFrom time to time, John or I will receive a letter from a reader of The Go-Giver asking for advice on applying the principles; usually within the context of frustration at dealing with people who are not Go-Givers.
Typically, at the root of the challenge is an underlying false premise, thus the name of a two-part post with that right in the title.
Just recently, we received an email like this, and we hope the response will help you if you face a similar challenge. (Of course, we received the writer’s permission to print his letter, and we have disguised or deleted any details that could possibly reveal his identity or location.)
He writes:
The sales profession is very interesting. I’ve tried hard to be “Mr. Nice Guy,” a “Go-Giver,” and to focus on helping others. What’s interesting is how some customers will try to take advantage of me (and our company). Often they exaggerate or outright lie, make promises they don’t keep, and in general treat me like dirt. (I’m sure they treat all “salespeople” like that. I don’t take it personally.)
There are days when I feel like, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I will just sell them and won’t care so much.” I’m trying to decide on which “sales personality” to adopt: Nice guy or hardass. My natural personality is “Nice Guy,” but I’m getting tired of being run around and taken advantage of.
May I ask for your thoughts about this? Any advice?
My response: While I’m very sorry about what you are experiencing, this one is pretty easy to answer.
You may be confusing being a Go-Giver with being a “nice guy” who allows himself to be treated poorly and taken advantage of. In fact, being a Go-Giver means no such thing. And being a “nice guy” should never (let’s make that NEVER) be confused with allowing oneself to be taken advantage of or treated poorly or disrespectfully in any way.
Being a Go-Giver simply means that you seek to embody the philosophy of focusing on providing great value to others, and that you follow the Five Laws. Nowhere in there does it say anything about being taken advantage of.
I have a favorite saying I’ve tweeted, posted on Facebook, and even written a blog post around over at my Burg.com site. And that is:
“If you are nice and being taken advantage of, it’s not because you are nice — it’s because you’re allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.”
When you say, There are days when I feel like, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I will just sell them and won’t care so much,” this implies that you expect to sell more by not caring about them. But in order to sell most effectively you do have to care about adding value to their businesses. I’m not saying you have to care about any other aspect of their life — but you do have to care about adding value to their businesses.
And they may simply not be interested in anything about you other than how you can potentially help them in their business. If that’s the case, then fine; focus on them, and on how you can give them more in value than you take from them in payment (Law #1). That’s the only (honest) way to build a profitable business, in both the short-term and the long-term.
Please don’t misunderstand or confuse what being a Go-Giver means.
Being a Go-Giver is indeed a profitable way of business. It’s also a way of doing business out of strength, not out of weakness (being taken advantage of).
Best wishes for great success. Looking forward to hearing back from you.
Christie Ellis on February 13, 2012
Great post! I can understand where this gentleman is coming from. In an effort to be a good salesperson you feel like you need to do anything for a client, sometimes without reward. Since I have taken on a better understanding of The Go-Giver and truly applied these laws, by giving value, not being attached to the outcome, being my authentic self and being open to receive, I can clearly see the difference in myself, my confidence and the clients I attract. I hope this gentleman hangs in and doesn’t sell himself short by not caring. I believe in the end he would find he isn’t happy with himself or his clients.
Bob Burg on February 13, 2012
Wow – that’s powerful, Christie! Thank you for sharing with us. THIS is why you’re such an outstanding coach as well as very successful entrepreneur. I’m s honored that you are one of our Certified Go-Giver Coaches!
Linda Ryan on February 13, 2012
I have to admit that I used to misinterpret what being a Go-Giver truly is. And, like Christie mentions, having a better understanding what the Laws mean and also what they do NOT mean, has helped me to be a better, more confident, yet just as caring person. Thanks so much for helping us learn this.
Bob Burg on February 13, 2012
Thank YOU, Linda! Great having you and Christie weigh in on this; both of you being Certified Go-Giver Coaches and terrific ones, at that!
Christie Ellis on February 13, 2012
Thank you Bob! I think I also speak for Linda when I say we have both learned so much from you on what being a Go-Giver truly means and it is an ongoing learning and living process, but so worth understanding the full message.
Bob Burg on February 14, 2012
Carly Alyssa Thorne on April 8, 2012
Spot on as USUAL Mr. Burg… Thank God For Speakers LIKE YOU getting this Message OUT…
To and Yours…
To Go-Giving Success…
Carly
Bob Burg on April 8, 2012
Very kind of you, Carly. Thank you!